I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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