the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
