hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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