one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
