i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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