i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
They took my balls.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My ass is underappreciated
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
