the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
