I hate all girls vehemently.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
