Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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