so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
