well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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