My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
