I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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