fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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