i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
even my farts smell like vagina
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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