so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
