Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
