when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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