I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
