I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
