I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
