What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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