i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize