he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
