I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
