obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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