Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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