You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
