I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
