i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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