dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
