and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
