Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
