I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
