My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
