I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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