I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize