I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
