I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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