There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
