I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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