bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i permit you to call me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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