You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
