Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
