the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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