i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
