last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
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LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
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No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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