Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize