What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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