I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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