whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
