I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
