Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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