Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Whatβs the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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