You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
