oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
