ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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