I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
