I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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