On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
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It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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