I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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