I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i love accidental penises.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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