we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
