i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize