so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
