It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize