the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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