singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
