I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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