Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
cat food counts as protein by the way
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
